My husband hates it when I say that cuz it is usually followed by something like:
- "We should get some goats."
- "Wouldn't it look great if we opened up that wall and put a fireplace over there?"
- "The local vet clinic has some St. Bernard puppies that were abandoned, we should adopt one."
- "It would be really nice to have a pool - all the girls friends could hang out at our house."
- "Look at the cute birdie..."
- "If we just take out that hall closet and make it part of our bedroom, we could have an awesome master bathroom and bedroom."
- "The girls want a baby brother...we could always adopt."
- "There is this really cool house a few miles away that is a bank repo. It has five acres, just think how many goats we could have then!"
I jest not, everyone of the sentences has come out of my mouth...but anyway, that is not what I was thinking about today.
I have been contemplating why I (in particular, women in general) torture myself so much to be the perfect weight. Isn't the whole point to be healthy? I know I am healthy - I can run miles and miles. I can do a pretty decent plank. My weight isn't perfect, this is true...but I look pretty decent.
My husband thinks I look good. My daughter's think I'm beautiful. Why do I want to obsess over this? Why do I want more? I'll never be one of those perky PTC mom's wearing a jog suit that has never been sweated in. It isn't like I don't have a million other things to better occupy my time and mind.
And I know, I KNOW, once I get to my ideal weight...I will want to lose more. I know because when I weighed this before, I thought I was fat. I know this because I am a woman and as that I can't seem to be happy with me the way I am....curvaliscious.
It really isn't that I think my husband will be more attracted to me or love me more if I lose weight...and I certainly don't want to lose weight to attract other men (no way in hell, one is enough for me thank you).
I can say that, I feel most self-conscious about my "flaws" around other women, most judged by them. Why? I don't know...maybe I am just paranoid, because they could probably care less if I have a muffin top, double chin, etc.
Anyway, that is what I have been thinking...but I'm still doing my challenges to be more fit, thinner...no my obsession will not stop. Now, off to do my run for today.
